When Numbers Get In The Way of Living

Part One

Why do the numbers matter?  To everyone else, the numbers are a measure of how well 'you' are managing your diabetes, how many highs, how many lows, your A1c!  There - that was pretty much the entirety of a twice yearly consultation with the 'specialist'.

And there is the rub, 'cos they are a specialist - in endocrinology - not in managing diabetes, not in living with diabetes and most certainly not in coping with diabetes.

So there you are, with an A1c that's half a percent up on last time, you feel like a failure - after all, you work so hard at 'managing'.  You take pride in how hard you work to manage your health and this result leaves you devastated, feeling defeated.  Why?

Why do you allow a number to control your life, the numbers are a measure of your condition, not a measure of your life!  Tight control is laudable, aspirational even.  It isn't sustainable if the effect of the numbers mean you lose quality of life. If you're stressed, worried, feeling like any comment is a criticism!  Feeling like you've let yourself down.

So do the numbers matter?  Yes, but not as the be all and end all, and certainly not as a measure of who you are!

Easy this diabetes, isn't it?

Worried - Hell Yes!

Last night was an eye opener.  Ok, so I'm only 7 months old in diabetes years, but I also a grown man, so you'd think I would be able to avoid a self-inflicted scare, right?

Ha, if only.  So there I was, meal cooked, hands clean (please note DSN!), bg measured carbs counted and bolus injected - all ready to eat and chatting away with Mrs. B when 'we' decided to take a closer look at a logo we have been designing. "It'll only take me a few minutes" said Mrs. B, "I'll just pop up and edit it, it'll look so much better!"

No worries.  I sat there and faffed with the website a bit, then decided to check the links, then updated a blog, then faffed a bit more, then went to synch the sites so I could see how it looked 'live' - boom - an hour had passed and all of a sudden I couldn't see properly.  Ringing in the ears, heart beat up...whoa there.

Stood up and walked out of the office, feeling ever so slightly like it wasn't really me, like I was only a passenger on a bus along for the ride, and not really worried about who the hell WAS driving the bus!

Walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge!  Went to the table, picked up my meter and my plate of food. Walked into the lounge - sat down, started at the food in one hand and the meter in the other.

"Are you OK" asked Mrs. B

"I think I might be a bit low", says I. "I took the bolus ages ago." Doh!  Still hasn't registered that I might actually need to eat something, like, fast!

So what do I do?  Another bg test!  What a plonker - bg of 2.6, my first ever below 3 reading and I still sat there like a lemon!  Mrs. B to the rescue, one big glass of orange juice later and an 'instruction' to eat my food and an hour later I was back up to a 4.3.  

Then a 6.8.

Then a 9.8 before bed!! And now scared to correct 'cos its bedtime and worried about going low overnight!

Quote of the night from the wonderful Mrs. B "wow, like you can't lose focus on this even once can you. I mean ever!"

Pah - easy this diabetes, isn't it?

Neighbours - Series 1, Episode 1

A tale of the breakdown in the relationship between Hilary Pancreas and Peter Beta-Cell. Set in the small town of Pancreville.

Episode One

"Well, we'd been together for years"  said Mrs P, "I thought we knew each other so well, I mean, we practically grew up together (sniff, sniff).

Years, I mean literally, years! Living together,  working together, building a beautiful home together - great views by the way and lovely weather on the Islets of Langerhan - and at least I get to keep the house!

And now he's just gone!  Up'd and left me - I bet its that Suzy Amylin, I bet they've run off together, 'cos she's mysteriously disappeared too - cow!  

We even went to councelling, the therapist suggested a 2nd honeymoon might rekindle the enthusiasm, I was willing to try anything, said Mrs P.

We packed our bags, and off we went.  It was like magic! Ohh what memories, the first few weeks turned into a couple of great months, just like the old days, he couldn't keep away from me! 

Then he just seemed to fade out.  

Like he wasn't even really there (sniff, sniff). I tried everything (sobs)

I made his favourite meals, did all the things he likes to do, went to the macth with him, everything! But it made no difference. Slowley, week by week, he just closed down on me, withdrew, physically and emotionally.  It was like being in the house all alone with only the echo of him there....(sobs uncontrollably)....what am I going to do...(wail!)

"Think of the children - all those little mouths to feed, all the time, every day!!  You can't leave me to do this on my own" she cried "Every cell of my body yearns for him - how will I cope!!"

Thank you so much for listening, and the hanky (!), sorry about the tears but I just don't know what to do....what did you say your name was?

Well my dear, let me formally introduce my self - the name is Ian Sulin, perhaps I can help?  Dinner?

Next Episode: Is it on or off?  The Highs & Lows of a new drama about relationships.